The Uke-Uke Sanji Show Returns...
Nov. 18th, 2005 01:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chibi_trillianSanji's Uke-Uke Fruit Adventure, Part the Fourth
Series = One Piece = not mine.
Zoro sat at the kitchen table, feeling a bit better about life in general and Sanji in particular. Sanji had calmed down considerably over the course of the afternoon. The heartwarming display of “We still like you, moron, even if you are next to useless” from the crew had done most of the work, and getting started on dinner had done the rest.
Sanji looked so friggin’ cute in a freakish sort of way, with his now-overlong sleeves rolled back and too-big apron tied behind him. If it weren’t for the fact that Zoro was busy keeping a paranoid eye on his emotions and hormones, he’d probably have taken a nice nap here with Sanji puttering around him domestically.
Sanji’s cooking skills were quite intact (which was fortunate, because if they hadn’t been Zoro didn’t think anyone would be able to stop him from hanging himself by one of his own ties) and the only issue he was having in the kitchen was reaching things on the top shelves. He’d had to scramble up on the counter for a few of his spices, giving Zoro a nice view of his ass at the same time. Zoro ached to help him. He ached to do other things to him as well, but helping him was the one he was realistically able to do in a kitchen with its door propped open to catch the evening breeze.
And Zoro knew that he couldn’t. It would be like Sanji walking over to him and saying, “Here, let me clean and oil your swords for you.”
Okay, so Zoro wouldn’t mind Sanji cleaning his fourth sword. Preferably with his tongue. But the point of the internal argument remained intact—Zoro was not going to rob Sanji of what microscopic nibbles of dignity he had left. It just wasn’t right, even if watching Sanji stand on tiptoe to reach something that this morning would have been within easy reach was rather heartbreakingly pathetic.
Maybe he could talk Usopp into making Sanji a stepstool?
Zoro shook his head. No, no, a thousand times no. This weird overprotective impulse that Sanji seemed to inspire in all men and Zoro in especial particular was not going to rule his life, and that was the end of it.
Even when Sanji randomly turned around and smiled at him like he was a shiny new saucepan with a tag saying “For Sanji” on the handle. It was a dazzling smile, and it forced an answering smile out of anyone who saw it.
Zoro blinked. Apparently literally dazzling. He rubbed his eyes, but the flecks of light surrounding Sanji’s head didn’t go away. Sanji’s smile faded in confusion at Zoro’s reaction. The little bits of light started fading too. Freakish. Freakish and odd, and necessitating pointing and questioning.
“Uh, Sanji…what the hell are those?”
“What? Where? I don’t see anyth—OH MY GOD WHAT THE HECK?!” Sanji jumped about a foot backwards and plastered himself against the wall. The thingies just kind of sat in midair, slowly losing their brilliance. Zoro, using the time-honored scientific method of big strong guys, got up and poked one of them with his finger before they vanished entirely.
He got some lovely burns for his trouble. Scientific conclusion: not happy things. Poke with sword next time.
“Oh!” Sanji exclaimed, darting over as soon as the last bit of light vanished and grabbing Zoro’s fricasseed finger. Using the time-honored burn-healing method of really good chefs, he stuck it in his mouth.
Zoro could easily appreciate all manner of ancient cooking-no-jitsu healing techniques that involved Sanji’s mouth. He wondered if the pain of burns elsewhere would be worth it, and then pondered how to talk Sanji into making him a cup of really, really hot coffee. Pain incurred as a consequence of pursuing a much-desired goal strengthened the soul and qualified as training, didn’t it?
To Zoro’s disappointment, Sanji took Zoro’s finger out of his mouth after a few minutes. The distressed little murmur he made when he looked at it again was adorable, but he looked like he might start crying again. Crying Sanji meant cold, inexpertly prepared dinner for everyone. So Zoro shrugged and said, “It looks worse than it is. I’ve gotten more badly injured opening rum bottles. Don’t worry,” and fluffed Sanji’s hair.
Zoro sighed internally. Hair-fluffage. What deviltry had inspired him to commit hair-fluffage on the guy who had been his rival this morning? Well, the beginnings of a fresh Sanji-smile helped.
Then those damn lights came back.
Sanji jumped, hid behind Zoro’s back, and watched as the swordsman poked one with the tip of a katana. It made a mini-explosion and blackened the tip of his blade. Zoro growled and resisted the urge to chase the rest of them around the kitchen and teach them a new definition of pain, if inanimate bits of light could feel pain. They were going away on their own anyway. Actually, Zoro was beginning to notice a pattern here. Now, to find out if he was right.
Zoro sheathed his sword and looked at the Love Cook hiding behind his back. Hmm.
“Sanji?” Zoro murmured huskily.
“Yes?” Pure confusion. Ah, Sanji was cute when he was dumb.
“Hold still.” With that, Zoro kissed him full on the lips.
The room looked like someone had set off a flash bomb. Let’s hear it for big strong guy scientific method.
Sanji gasped around Zoro’s lips and the lights went out with an abruptness that left the two of them blinking as their eyes adjusted. Zoro could hear shouting outside—the light-show had not gone unnoticed.
“Wha…?” Sanji looked mildly paranoid, extremely aroused, and entirely clueless.
Zoro coughed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. Damn, his face had gone all red. From the evil lights, of course. “I was testing something. Sanji, I think you’re making those little lights of death. It’s like you’re attack-sparkling or something. Makes sense, I suppose—I’ve never seen a Devil Fruit person who wasn’t capable of causing massive destruction to all people, places, and things around him in one way or another.”
Comprehension dawned slowly and brilliantly in Sanji’s eyes. “You mean…I’m not utterly defenseless and helpless and a burden on the entire crew to a greater degree than even Usopp?”
“Yes, I suppose.”
The slightly demented grin that split Sanji’s sweet little face promised a whole new world of mayhem.
Series = One Piece = not mine.
Zoro sat at the kitchen table, feeling a bit better about life in general and Sanji in particular. Sanji had calmed down considerably over the course of the afternoon. The heartwarming display of “We still like you, moron, even if you are next to useless” from the crew had done most of the work, and getting started on dinner had done the rest.
Sanji looked so friggin’ cute in a freakish sort of way, with his now-overlong sleeves rolled back and too-big apron tied behind him. If it weren’t for the fact that Zoro was busy keeping a paranoid eye on his emotions and hormones, he’d probably have taken a nice nap here with Sanji puttering around him domestically.
Sanji’s cooking skills were quite intact (which was fortunate, because if they hadn’t been Zoro didn’t think anyone would be able to stop him from hanging himself by one of his own ties) and the only issue he was having in the kitchen was reaching things on the top shelves. He’d had to scramble up on the counter for a few of his spices, giving Zoro a nice view of his ass at the same time. Zoro ached to help him. He ached to do other things to him as well, but helping him was the one he was realistically able to do in a kitchen with its door propped open to catch the evening breeze.
And Zoro knew that he couldn’t. It would be like Sanji walking over to him and saying, “Here, let me clean and oil your swords for you.”
Okay, so Zoro wouldn’t mind Sanji cleaning his fourth sword. Preferably with his tongue. But the point of the internal argument remained intact—Zoro was not going to rob Sanji of what microscopic nibbles of dignity he had left. It just wasn’t right, even if watching Sanji stand on tiptoe to reach something that this morning would have been within easy reach was rather heartbreakingly pathetic.
Maybe he could talk Usopp into making Sanji a stepstool?
Zoro shook his head. No, no, a thousand times no. This weird overprotective impulse that Sanji seemed to inspire in all men and Zoro in especial particular was not going to rule his life, and that was the end of it.
Even when Sanji randomly turned around and smiled at him like he was a shiny new saucepan with a tag saying “For Sanji” on the handle. It was a dazzling smile, and it forced an answering smile out of anyone who saw it.
Zoro blinked. Apparently literally dazzling. He rubbed his eyes, but the flecks of light surrounding Sanji’s head didn’t go away. Sanji’s smile faded in confusion at Zoro’s reaction. The little bits of light started fading too. Freakish. Freakish and odd, and necessitating pointing and questioning.
“Uh, Sanji…what the hell are those?”
“What? Where? I don’t see anyth—OH MY GOD WHAT THE HECK?!” Sanji jumped about a foot backwards and plastered himself against the wall. The thingies just kind of sat in midair, slowly losing their brilliance. Zoro, using the time-honored scientific method of big strong guys, got up and poked one of them with his finger before they vanished entirely.
He got some lovely burns for his trouble. Scientific conclusion: not happy things. Poke with sword next time.
“Oh!” Sanji exclaimed, darting over as soon as the last bit of light vanished and grabbing Zoro’s fricasseed finger. Using the time-honored burn-healing method of really good chefs, he stuck it in his mouth.
Zoro could easily appreciate all manner of ancient cooking-no-jitsu healing techniques that involved Sanji’s mouth. He wondered if the pain of burns elsewhere would be worth it, and then pondered how to talk Sanji into making him a cup of really, really hot coffee. Pain incurred as a consequence of pursuing a much-desired goal strengthened the soul and qualified as training, didn’t it?
To Zoro’s disappointment, Sanji took Zoro’s finger out of his mouth after a few minutes. The distressed little murmur he made when he looked at it again was adorable, but he looked like he might start crying again. Crying Sanji meant cold, inexpertly prepared dinner for everyone. So Zoro shrugged and said, “It looks worse than it is. I’ve gotten more badly injured opening rum bottles. Don’t worry,” and fluffed Sanji’s hair.
Zoro sighed internally. Hair-fluffage. What deviltry had inspired him to commit hair-fluffage on the guy who had been his rival this morning? Well, the beginnings of a fresh Sanji-smile helped.
Then those damn lights came back.
Sanji jumped, hid behind Zoro’s back, and watched as the swordsman poked one with the tip of a katana. It made a mini-explosion and blackened the tip of his blade. Zoro growled and resisted the urge to chase the rest of them around the kitchen and teach them a new definition of pain, if inanimate bits of light could feel pain. They were going away on their own anyway. Actually, Zoro was beginning to notice a pattern here. Now, to find out if he was right.
Zoro sheathed his sword and looked at the Love Cook hiding behind his back. Hmm.
“Sanji?” Zoro murmured huskily.
“Yes?” Pure confusion. Ah, Sanji was cute when he was dumb.
“Hold still.” With that, Zoro kissed him full on the lips.
The room looked like someone had set off a flash bomb. Let’s hear it for big strong guy scientific method.
Sanji gasped around Zoro’s lips and the lights went out with an abruptness that left the two of them blinking as their eyes adjusted. Zoro could hear shouting outside—the light-show had not gone unnoticed.
“Wha…?” Sanji looked mildly paranoid, extremely aroused, and entirely clueless.
Zoro coughed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. Damn, his face had gone all red. From the evil lights, of course. “I was testing something. Sanji, I think you’re making those little lights of death. It’s like you’re attack-sparkling or something. Makes sense, I suppose—I’ve never seen a Devil Fruit person who wasn’t capable of causing massive destruction to all people, places, and things around him in one way or another.”
Comprehension dawned slowly and brilliantly in Sanji’s eyes. “You mean…I’m not utterly defenseless and helpless and a burden on the entire crew to a greater degree than even Usopp?”
“Yes, I suppose.”
The slightly demented grin that split Sanji’s sweet little face promised a whole new world of mayhem.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-18 08:09 am (UTC)And Zoro is the ultimate Man's man. It's a wonderful thing to be. He's all man, full of sperm and such.
Now the question is WHAT ELSE CAN SANJI DO ... besides omit liquids out of orifices at times when no lubrication should be.
*thumbs way way up*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-18 09:26 am (UTC)Scientific conclusion: not happy things. Poke with sword next time. ... Big Strong Guy Scientific Method (TM) is sheer and utter godlyness. Pardon me while I huddle in a corner and giggle my fool head off for awhile.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-18 01:05 pm (UTC)You are seriously rocking with this. I love it. Sparkles of Death *snicker*. A uke with super power thingies that actually can do harm instead of make a guy go awwww. Very good stuff babe.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-20 04:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-20 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-20 04:31 am (UTC)Here's hoping I manage to not drive this into the ground. I think this is up there on the longest fics I've ever written. It certainly has the most chapters, though my chapters are short.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-20 06:24 am (UTC)Obviously, its late and I'm over tired and really shouldn't be allowed near a keyboard in this condition. But I'm enjoying this series very much.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-28 08:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-29 06:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-11 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-12 10:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-10 09:55 am (UTC)momentarily de-lurking
Date: 2008-03-05 08:16 am (UTC)Slight spelling quibble, though. Jitsu is truth. Jutsu is technique. So, in Naruto, where it seems like fucking everything is yadayada no jutsu, what they're really saying is Yadayada Technique or Art of Yadayada. The "no jutsu" has been kept in English-language fandom out of the belief that it makes the attacks sound less lame (or that's my understanding, anyway.) So, circling back around to the point, what you have should probably be "cooking-no-jutsu," or "Cooking Technique." /language nerd.
You get serious bonus points for using "fricasseed." Also, for the line "Ah, Sanji was cute when he was dumb." HEHE. If/When Sanji's wits and muscles return to him, Zoro should be braced for some serious asskickery. And the LIGHTS!! *loves*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-25 06:25 pm (UTC)