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mettathron updated Raptus Regalis. Go look. C'mon, you know you want to read about Sanji and the cannibals.
[/BSW]
And now for the crack. Crossposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
onepiececrack, naturally. I've been a busy little LJ bee this evening.
Title: Waldo Has Nothing on Sanji, or, The Good Title Was Already Taken
Series: One Piece
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG-13 or so.
Summary: Sanji kicks into sneaky, devious bastard mode. The crew suffers as a result.
Monday: Sanji disappeared. Has done this before, will probably be back when he gets bored or laid, whichever comes first. Hope he brings me the special hot sauce I asked him to buy when he went out.
Tuesday: Sanji still gone. Food mysteriously appeared for breakfast, so no panic from Luffy. Still no hot sauce, though—damn. Chili Star Project on temporary hold due to lack of materials.
Wednesday: Starting to get worried. Breakfast toast slightly underdone—bad sign? No hot sauce. May have to go out and get it myself, and I promised Chopper I’d help him out with putting together bookshelves this afternoon too. Double damn.
Thursday: Bowl of apples for breakfast. Seriously concerned now. Also, three bottles of olive oil missing. Wonder what he needs olive oil for? Would go out hunting for him, but Robin liked Chopper’s bookshelves so much she wants her own. Still no hot sauce.
Friday: Kitchen locked. Picnic basket on deck. Five of Nami's bras, Zoro's spare bandana, a box of condoms, and my sniper goggles missing. Polite apology notes left, at least. Nami will still kill him when he gets back. Have spent today trying to figure out what, other than an orgy, would require all that and three bottles of olive oil. Frightened by possibilities. Hope hot sauce not involved.
Saturday: Sanji appeared today! Or so Chopper says. He needed stitches on his inner thigh, had some interesting abrasions, and wouldn't talk about what he'd been doing, except to say that he'd be okay and that he'd be back before the log post finishes setting on Sunday night. Oh, and to ask if he could borrow some rubber tourniquet tubing.
Am going to hit him when he comes back Sunday. Luffy chewed on my arm today, and crew had to eat Zoro's cooking. There are things man was not meant to taste. Going out for dinner, screw cost.
Maybe will pick up some hot sauce while out.
Sunday: Sanji finally back. Is exhausted, looks like he took a header off a tall building, is covered from head to toe in olive oil, and lost Zoro’s bandana, but is back. Don’t want to know what exactly he’s been up to, but heard in port that Ceremony of the Sacred Anointing of the Nude Virgins was more exciting than in years past, for oil actually rained from the sky. Town elders taking it as a good sign, say they won’t have to start double-charging the ships that come in, say ships currently docked have docking fees waived. Lucky lucky. Nami overjoyed—ship’s budget getting a bit tight.
Bastard forgot my hot sauce. Forgave Great Oiler of Nekkid Holy Virgins anyway.
mettathron updated Raptus Regalis. Go look. C'mon, you know you want to read about Sanji and the cannibals.[/BSW]
And now for the crack. Crossposted to
onepiececrack, naturally. I've been a busy little LJ bee this evening.Title: Waldo Has Nothing on Sanji, or, The Good Title Was Already Taken
Series: One Piece
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG-13 or so.
Summary: Sanji kicks into sneaky, devious bastard mode. The crew suffers as a result.
Monday: Sanji disappeared. Has done this before, will probably be back when he gets bored or laid, whichever comes first. Hope he brings me the special hot sauce I asked him to buy when he went out.
Tuesday: Sanji still gone. Food mysteriously appeared for breakfast, so no panic from Luffy. Still no hot sauce, though—damn. Chili Star Project on temporary hold due to lack of materials.
Wednesday: Starting to get worried. Breakfast toast slightly underdone—bad sign? No hot sauce. May have to go out and get it myself, and I promised Chopper I’d help him out with putting together bookshelves this afternoon too. Double damn.
Thursday: Bowl of apples for breakfast. Seriously concerned now. Also, three bottles of olive oil missing. Wonder what he needs olive oil for? Would go out hunting for him, but Robin liked Chopper’s bookshelves so much she wants her own. Still no hot sauce.
Friday: Kitchen locked. Picnic basket on deck. Five of Nami's bras, Zoro's spare bandana, a box of condoms, and my sniper goggles missing. Polite apology notes left, at least. Nami will still kill him when he gets back. Have spent today trying to figure out what, other than an orgy, would require all that and three bottles of olive oil. Frightened by possibilities. Hope hot sauce not involved.
Saturday: Sanji appeared today! Or so Chopper says. He needed stitches on his inner thigh, had some interesting abrasions, and wouldn't talk about what he'd been doing, except to say that he'd be okay and that he'd be back before the log post finishes setting on Sunday night. Oh, and to ask if he could borrow some rubber tourniquet tubing.
Am going to hit him when he comes back Sunday. Luffy chewed on my arm today, and crew had to eat Zoro's cooking. There are things man was not meant to taste. Going out for dinner, screw cost.
Maybe will pick up some hot sauce while out.
Sunday: Sanji finally back. Is exhausted, looks like he took a header off a tall building, is covered from head to toe in olive oil, and lost Zoro’s bandana, but is back. Don’t want to know what exactly he’s been up to, but heard in port that Ceremony of the Sacred Anointing of the Nude Virgins was more exciting than in years past, for oil actually rained from the sky. Town elders taking it as a good sign, say they won’t have to start double-charging the ships that come in, say ships currently docked have docking fees waived. Lucky lucky. Nami overjoyed—ship’s budget getting a bit tight.
Bastard forgot my hot sauce. Forgave Great Oiler of Nekkid Holy Virgins anyway.
