About damn time.
Nov. 25th, 2005 05:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chibi_trillianSanji's Uke-Uke Fruit Adventure: Part the Fifth
Series = One Piece = not mine.
Rated arrrrR for pirates and suggestively shaped fruit.
Sanji rubbed his eyes and tried to concentrate on breakfast. Last night had been a slow hell of insomnia, made worse by the siren song in the back of his mind saying that if he just went to Zoro’s hammock he’d have the best night’s sleep of his life. He’d nearly given in twice, but had managed to shore up his willpower and stop before he left the kitchen. He dreaded the thought of another night like it.
Unusually, Robin was the first one into the galley this morning. She got there just as he was starting to put out place settings and silently lent a hand (or five) to the task. The quiet little smile she gave him as she helped out managed to make him feel horribly apprehensive about what she may or may not have discovered in the course of a night’s research. It was probably meant to do the opposite, but right now about the only thing that would reassure Sanji would be her telling him that he’d managed to eat the only Devil Fruit in the world with a cure and that they just happened to have some of whatever it was on board.
Even more strangely, Zoro was the next person in. He was awake very early (for him, anyway). Sanji tried to stomp on the warm, squishy feeling that spread through his chest at the sight of the swordsman. Disobligingly, it only made cheerful squelching noises and oozed around his mental foot and into his mental shoe.
Zoro seemed to be feeling something a bit similar, because when their eyes met his face flushed very slightly and he had difficulty breaking the gaze. He’d look away for a moment, and then his eyes would wander back to Sanji’s. Rinse and repeat, with increased blushing by both parties every time it happened. Sanji could feel those sparkles starting to tickle the back of his brain. You could have cut the Unresolved Sexual Tension with a cleaver.
The atmosphere was abruptly and painfully desexified when Luffy barreled straight into Zoro from behind. In Luffy’s defense, Zoro was blocking the door and Luffy was usually the first person in here after Sanji. That didn’t put Zoro’s kidneys and other assorted giblets back where they belonged, though. Zoro rubbed his back and glared halfheartedly at Luffy, who was importuning a now rather irrationally grumpy Sanji for hints as to what his immediate future, i.e. breakfast, contained.
Surprisingly, it was Robin who answered Luffy’s queries.
“I’d like to present the results of my research during breakfast, if no one minds. I think everyone needs to see this so we can make a decision as a crew.”
Luffy looked thoughtful. “Can we eat at the same time?”
“I suppose so,” Robin said. The slight hesitation in her voice made Sanji even more worried. What the hell could she have found that she thought would kill even Luffy’s appetite?
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Luffy nodded his head in a firm, captain-like manner, and sat down at the table with every evidence of interest. Well, he was interested in breakfast, at any rate.
The last few crew members trickled in in order of ravenousness, Chopper first, Usopp next, Nami last. Chopper fussed over Sanji to a near-embarrassing degree until Sanji finally fled to the kitchen. When he returned laden down with breakfasty-type foods like some sort of omelet-toting pack mule, Zoro promptly jumped up to help. Zoro was doing that an awful lot lately. Zoro also sat down next to Sanji once the food was distributed to its respective owners. The swordsman looked like he’d be perfect to lean against during breakfast; a warm, comfortable pillow for his tired head…
Arg. Bad Sanji. Presentation of life-shattering importance occurring. Pay no attention to that swordsman’s hand below the tablecloth.
Robin’s presentation was actually quite nice. It had visual aides and everything, with illustrations done by Usopp and posters neatly supported by several sets of extra hands.
“Now, Sanji, what you ate was an Uke-Uke Fruit.” Robin’s calm, smooth voice rang out over the sound of mastication, and the hands shuffled and a drawing of the Devil Fruit Sanji had taken a big honking bite out of came up. In retrospect, he really should have known better. It was rather…suggestively shaped.
“The Uke-Uke Fruit’s abilities include those charming death-sparkles—triggered by happiness on the part of the eater—and a strange compulsion over men, causing them to act in a protective manner. The loss of physical strength and stature seems to help with this impulse by making the Uke-Uke Man more helpless-appearing and childlike. For some men, the protective drive seems to intensify into more, shall we say, romantic attentions.” She gave Zoro a sharp look at this point. He coughed guiltily and took his hand off of Sanji’s thigh.
“When consumed by a woman, it is better known as the Doki-Doki Fruit. It has the same effects, though the physical modifications seem to be more intense in men than in women. According to historical records, Uke-Uke Fruit eaters of either sex have proven surprisingly formidable in battle, mostly because their enemies don’t really want to hit them.”
Sanji brightened up a bit at that. Maybe this miserable excuse for a Devil Fruit had its perks after all.
Robin paused, as if for dramatic effect. Let it never be said that Nico Robin did not have style. “The Uke-Uke Fruit is one of only two known Devil Fruits thought to have an antidote.”
Sanji’s mouth dropped open. He resisted the urge to pinch himself, because this was just too good to be true.
“This,” Robin said as her hands shuffled again, “is the Seme-Seme Fruit.”
It was a bit past “suggestively shaped.” It even had little curly vines at one end and a small hole at the other. Damn, if Usopp had drawn that, he could make a living illustrating adult publications.
“That looks like a—“
“Shut UP, Luffy. We all know what it looks like.” Nami’s face went a lovely shade of scarlet, and she quickly put down her half-eaten sausage.
Half of Sanji went, “There’s no way I’m putting that in my mouth.”
The other half of him went, “Oh God, I’d love to put Zoro’s Seme-Seme Fruit in my mouth.”
Robin, blithely ignoring Sanji’s mighty internal conflict, went on. “Like the Uke-Uke Fruit, the Seme-Seme Fruit has less extreme effects on females. It is called a Domi-Domi Fruit when a woman consumes it. The Seme-Seme Fruit gives the eater increased height and strength and an interesting ability known as ‘the Voice of Submission.’
“Anyone and anything the Seme-Seme Fruit user gives an order to will obey it to the best of its abilities. This includes animals and inanimate objects. Obviously, this makes a Seme-Seme Fruit eater a phenomenally dangerous individual. The last recorded Seme-Seme Fruit user was hunted down and killed by a large mixed group of Marines and bounty hunters as soon as he came into his powers.”
So much for just asking around for one, then. It wouldn’t surprise Sanji if Marines had standing orders to burn the Seme-Seme Fruit plant on sight if it produced such scary motherfuckers.
“The Seme-Seme Fruit is rumored to completely neutralize the effects of the Uke-Uke Fruit, and vice versa. I say ‘rumored’ because no one has actually been confirmed to have found and consumed both Fruits. They’re some of the rarer Devil Fruits in the Blue Seas and the odds against the finding and consumption of one, let alone two, are phenomenal.”
Sanji thumped his forehead against the table. Dammit. He knew it had been too wonderful to be without a catch, or in this case a whole afternoon’s fishing's worth of catches. Zoro’s hand rubbing his back was only marginally helping to dull the pain of having his last tiny bit of hope run through a garlic crusher.
The table sprouted a pair of arms that gave him a gentle hug. “I’m sorry, Sanji. I wish I had better news,” Robin said softly. Yesterday, Sanji would have spooged his pants in joy because HOLY SHIT Robin was touching him in a manner that was other than utilitarian! Today, it just felt…okay.
Sanji fought back more of those damn tears that seemed to be his first reaction anything shitty happening. Dammit, he wanted to get angry, not weepy. He wanted to rage and scream and curse at the world and kick something and have a good long chain-smoke and maybe a bottle of rum. He didn’t want to cry into his breakfast eggs while Zoro held him and a pair of Robin’s extra hands stroked his hair.
“So we’re finding one then.”
Sanji lifted his head. Luffy looked dead serious, or as dead serious as someone with a fork in each hand and one in his mouth can look. Sanji sniffled, rubbed his free hand (the other had been claimed by Zoro) across his eyes, and choked out, “We’ll never find one.”
Oh crap. He’d just said the N word. Luffy reacted to the word “never” by displaying near-infinite quantities of obstinate will and a hardheadedness that put mountain goats to shame. He recognized the set of Luffy’s jaw. They WOULD be getting a Seme-Seme Fruit if Luffy had to grow it himself, and nothing Sanji could say would make him stop. Brrrr, Luffy was scary when he switched over to juggernaut mode.
Seeking something less oddly frightening, Sanji looked around the table. Damn, apparently Luffy’s stubbornmoronitis was catching, because even Usopp looked like he’d kill something to get Sanji one of the rarest, most contraband Devil Fruits in the world (which just happened to look like something you’d pick up at a porn store).
Sanji sighed, shook his head, and leaned back against Zoro’s shoulder. Surrounded. Utterly surrounded by idiots who did stupidly noble things when led by their stupidly noble captain.
Damn, but he loved this crew.
Series = One Piece = not mine.
Rated arrrrR for pirates and suggestively shaped fruit.
Sanji rubbed his eyes and tried to concentrate on breakfast. Last night had been a slow hell of insomnia, made worse by the siren song in the back of his mind saying that if he just went to Zoro’s hammock he’d have the best night’s sleep of his life. He’d nearly given in twice, but had managed to shore up his willpower and stop before he left the kitchen. He dreaded the thought of another night like it.
Unusually, Robin was the first one into the galley this morning. She got there just as he was starting to put out place settings and silently lent a hand (or five) to the task. The quiet little smile she gave him as she helped out managed to make him feel horribly apprehensive about what she may or may not have discovered in the course of a night’s research. It was probably meant to do the opposite, but right now about the only thing that would reassure Sanji would be her telling him that he’d managed to eat the only Devil Fruit in the world with a cure and that they just happened to have some of whatever it was on board.
Even more strangely, Zoro was the next person in. He was awake very early (for him, anyway). Sanji tried to stomp on the warm, squishy feeling that spread through his chest at the sight of the swordsman. Disobligingly, it only made cheerful squelching noises and oozed around his mental foot and into his mental shoe.
Zoro seemed to be feeling something a bit similar, because when their eyes met his face flushed very slightly and he had difficulty breaking the gaze. He’d look away for a moment, and then his eyes would wander back to Sanji’s. Rinse and repeat, with increased blushing by both parties every time it happened. Sanji could feel those sparkles starting to tickle the back of his brain. You could have cut the Unresolved Sexual Tension with a cleaver.
The atmosphere was abruptly and painfully desexified when Luffy barreled straight into Zoro from behind. In Luffy’s defense, Zoro was blocking the door and Luffy was usually the first person in here after Sanji. That didn’t put Zoro’s kidneys and other assorted giblets back where they belonged, though. Zoro rubbed his back and glared halfheartedly at Luffy, who was importuning a now rather irrationally grumpy Sanji for hints as to what his immediate future, i.e. breakfast, contained.
Surprisingly, it was Robin who answered Luffy’s queries.
“I’d like to present the results of my research during breakfast, if no one minds. I think everyone needs to see this so we can make a decision as a crew.”
Luffy looked thoughtful. “Can we eat at the same time?”
“I suppose so,” Robin said. The slight hesitation in her voice made Sanji even more worried. What the hell could she have found that she thought would kill even Luffy’s appetite?
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Luffy nodded his head in a firm, captain-like manner, and sat down at the table with every evidence of interest. Well, he was interested in breakfast, at any rate.
The last few crew members trickled in in order of ravenousness, Chopper first, Usopp next, Nami last. Chopper fussed over Sanji to a near-embarrassing degree until Sanji finally fled to the kitchen. When he returned laden down with breakfasty-type foods like some sort of omelet-toting pack mule, Zoro promptly jumped up to help. Zoro was doing that an awful lot lately. Zoro also sat down next to Sanji once the food was distributed to its respective owners. The swordsman looked like he’d be perfect to lean against during breakfast; a warm, comfortable pillow for his tired head…
Arg. Bad Sanji. Presentation of life-shattering importance occurring. Pay no attention to that swordsman’s hand below the tablecloth.
Robin’s presentation was actually quite nice. It had visual aides and everything, with illustrations done by Usopp and posters neatly supported by several sets of extra hands.
“Now, Sanji, what you ate was an Uke-Uke Fruit.” Robin’s calm, smooth voice rang out over the sound of mastication, and the hands shuffled and a drawing of the Devil Fruit Sanji had taken a big honking bite out of came up. In retrospect, he really should have known better. It was rather…suggestively shaped.
“The Uke-Uke Fruit’s abilities include those charming death-sparkles—triggered by happiness on the part of the eater—and a strange compulsion over men, causing them to act in a protective manner. The loss of physical strength and stature seems to help with this impulse by making the Uke-Uke Man more helpless-appearing and childlike. For some men, the protective drive seems to intensify into more, shall we say, romantic attentions.” She gave Zoro a sharp look at this point. He coughed guiltily and took his hand off of Sanji’s thigh.
“When consumed by a woman, it is better known as the Doki-Doki Fruit. It has the same effects, though the physical modifications seem to be more intense in men than in women. According to historical records, Uke-Uke Fruit eaters of either sex have proven surprisingly formidable in battle, mostly because their enemies don’t really want to hit them.”
Sanji brightened up a bit at that. Maybe this miserable excuse for a Devil Fruit had its perks after all.
Robin paused, as if for dramatic effect. Let it never be said that Nico Robin did not have style. “The Uke-Uke Fruit is one of only two known Devil Fruits thought to have an antidote.”
Sanji’s mouth dropped open. He resisted the urge to pinch himself, because this was just too good to be true.
“This,” Robin said as her hands shuffled again, “is the Seme-Seme Fruit.”
It was a bit past “suggestively shaped.” It even had little curly vines at one end and a small hole at the other. Damn, if Usopp had drawn that, he could make a living illustrating adult publications.
“That looks like a—“
“Shut UP, Luffy. We all know what it looks like.” Nami’s face went a lovely shade of scarlet, and she quickly put down her half-eaten sausage.
Half of Sanji went, “There’s no way I’m putting that in my mouth.”
The other half of him went, “Oh God, I’d love to put Zoro’s Seme-Seme Fruit in my mouth.”
Robin, blithely ignoring Sanji’s mighty internal conflict, went on. “Like the Uke-Uke Fruit, the Seme-Seme Fruit has less extreme effects on females. It is called a Domi-Domi Fruit when a woman consumes it. The Seme-Seme Fruit gives the eater increased height and strength and an interesting ability known as ‘the Voice of Submission.’
“Anyone and anything the Seme-Seme Fruit user gives an order to will obey it to the best of its abilities. This includes animals and inanimate objects. Obviously, this makes a Seme-Seme Fruit eater a phenomenally dangerous individual. The last recorded Seme-Seme Fruit user was hunted down and killed by a large mixed group of Marines and bounty hunters as soon as he came into his powers.”
So much for just asking around for one, then. It wouldn’t surprise Sanji if Marines had standing orders to burn the Seme-Seme Fruit plant on sight if it produced such scary motherfuckers.
“The Seme-Seme Fruit is rumored to completely neutralize the effects of the Uke-Uke Fruit, and vice versa. I say ‘rumored’ because no one has actually been confirmed to have found and consumed both Fruits. They’re some of the rarer Devil Fruits in the Blue Seas and the odds against the finding and consumption of one, let alone two, are phenomenal.”
Sanji thumped his forehead against the table. Dammit. He knew it had been too wonderful to be without a catch, or in this case a whole afternoon’s fishing's worth of catches. Zoro’s hand rubbing his back was only marginally helping to dull the pain of having his last tiny bit of hope run through a garlic crusher.
The table sprouted a pair of arms that gave him a gentle hug. “I’m sorry, Sanji. I wish I had better news,” Robin said softly. Yesterday, Sanji would have spooged his pants in joy because HOLY SHIT Robin was touching him in a manner that was other than utilitarian! Today, it just felt…okay.
Sanji fought back more of those damn tears that seemed to be his first reaction anything shitty happening. Dammit, he wanted to get angry, not weepy. He wanted to rage and scream and curse at the world and kick something and have a good long chain-smoke and maybe a bottle of rum. He didn’t want to cry into his breakfast eggs while Zoro held him and a pair of Robin’s extra hands stroked his hair.
“So we’re finding one then.”
Sanji lifted his head. Luffy looked dead serious, or as dead serious as someone with a fork in each hand and one in his mouth can look. Sanji sniffled, rubbed his free hand (the other had been claimed by Zoro) across his eyes, and choked out, “We’ll never find one.”
Oh crap. He’d just said the N word. Luffy reacted to the word “never” by displaying near-infinite quantities of obstinate will and a hardheadedness that put mountain goats to shame. He recognized the set of Luffy’s jaw. They WOULD be getting a Seme-Seme Fruit if Luffy had to grow it himself, and nothing Sanji could say would make him stop. Brrrr, Luffy was scary when he switched over to juggernaut mode.
Seeking something less oddly frightening, Sanji looked around the table. Damn, apparently Luffy’s stubbornmoronitis was catching, because even Usopp looked like he’d kill something to get Sanji one of the rarest, most contraband Devil Fruits in the world (which just happened to look like something you’d pick up at a porn store).
Sanji sighed, shook his head, and leaned back against Zoro’s shoulder. Surrounded. Utterly surrounded by idiots who did stupidly noble things when led by their stupidly noble captain.
Damn, but he loved this crew.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 06:53 am (UTC)Luffy reacted to the word “never” by displaying near-infinite quantities of obstinate will and a hardheadedness that put mountain goats to shame.
Pure golden summary of Luffy's character! Yay for Goat-willed Luffy!!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 07:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 06:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 08:52 pm (UTC)I found it through
My muses are responding to the plot, I'm afraid, and coming up with a potential villian who's after the Seme-Seme Fruit because he could then force Uke-Uke Sanji to fall in love with him, among other cracktastic ideas (like how they'd make sure the Seme-Seme Fruit worked the way they wanted it to and the various ways *that* could turn out). Damn muses.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 09:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 10:05 pm (UTC)The Seme-Seme and Uke-Uke Fruits are quite free for use within the One Piece fandom. It's when they get shipped out of the fandom in crates labelled "rutabagas" so that someone can feed them to Random Non-One Piece Character Q that I get miffed (I have friends with hyperactive plotbunnies).
Just remember that if your villian gets a hold of it, he's liable to have a Buster Call called on his ass the first time he uses his full abilities in public and leaves witnesses. O_o
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-26 10:15 pm (UTC)Oh THAT should be good! *snickers, sits down to wait*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-29 12:14 pm (UTC)A: a villain WILL emerge "cursed" with the powers of the Seme-Seme fruit....
and
B: since, to the best of my knowledge, he's yet to ingest a demon fruit, Captain Kuro would be one of the best choices for such a villain...*laughs maniacally at the pure evil he could do with such powers*
(Note: To those who don't know me (which would be most of the people who've been commenting frequently on these crack-fics) when I say she "dragged" me in, I mean it in the same sort of way that I would if I were to say that "Simon dragged Kaylee to the parfait, made with fresh strawberries, granola and honest to goodness whipped cream." *makes a side note that any out there who don't get that, NEED to see Firefly*)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-30 04:38 am (UTC)