Cakey cakey.
Mar. 14th, 2007 10:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chibi_trillianHappy Birthday, Smoker. Happy Pi Day, everyone else.
Title: Let Them Eat Cake
Series: One Piece.
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Smoker/Zeff (HOLY SHIT YES THE PAIRING THAT ATE MANHATTAN IS BACK), Wayback Machine funtimes. Smoker turns eighteen and receives several unexpected presents. Bonus Nezumi pwnage.
Worst birthday ever, Smoker thought as he limped into the male cadet quarters.
Today’s lesson in weapons class had been “Seastone: The Marine’s Best Friend,” and Smoker had gotten to be the living demonstration. He had found out the hard way how much getting ripped out of Logia form by a piece of seastone hurt. Upon regaining consciousness, he’d silently vowed to find a way to use seastone himself just so others could feel his pain. So far, he was drawing a blank, but he was sure something would occur to him. Eventually.
In the common room, Nezumi managed to tear himself away from his copy of Pirate Booty: South Blue’s Feisty Lawbreaking Ladies long enough to inform Smoker, “You got a package.”
Smoker blinked. Who the hell would be sending him something? Hina had already given him his annual box of cigars; he’d figured that’d be it for him today.
His nose figured out the answer before he even got the box open. Unfortunately, the rest of the barracks figured out what it was about ten seconds later and materialized with a speed that made the notorious Lucky Roux look slow. Smoker barely had time to pocket the card tucked into the side of the box before the first “Cake! Can I have some?” spilled out of Nezumi’s mouth.
It was a nice cake. A very nice cake. So nice, in fact, that it practically had a little “Made by Zeff” sign on it. Smoker thought the intricate wave-pattern with the icing was slightly overdoing it, but the old man had to show off somehow. Stupid geezer, vanishing for two weeks and then embarrassing him on his birthday.
“That is one impressive cake. Who made it?” Purin-Purin asked, peeking over Morgan’s meaty shoulder.
“My bo-beautiful girlfriend.” Close save.
“The blonde?” Nezumi wiggled his eyebrows in manner that was likely supposed to be lecherous but just came off as weasely. “She screw as good as she cooks?” His fingers snuck towards the delicate swirls of icing.
Smoker resisted the urge to punch the smaller man in the nose and settled for smacking his fingers away. “Better, asshole.”
Nezumi rubbed his hand and laughed that weird squeaky giggle of his. “You better get her married and knocked up soon then, before she finds somebody better. Like me.”
Smoker did punch him then. Several times. Purin-Purin was nice enough to hold Nezumi still while he did it, and from the toxic look the ratlike little bastard gave Purin-Purin as he limped away, the curly-haired boy had just made an enemy for life.
After distributing some cake around to get the other assholes to shut the fuck up and not report him to the sergeant, Smoker finally opened the card. Zeff’s decidedly masculine handwriting marched across the cream-colored parchment.
Save me a slice, Navy-eggplant. I plan on eating it off of you tonight.
Smoker swallowed hard, mouth dry and pants tight. Ohhhhh shit, and there was a time and place on the back of the card. Two hours from now, he was getting fucking laid.
Best birthday ever, Smoker decided.
Title: Let Them Eat Cake
Series: One Piece.
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Smoker/Zeff (HOLY SHIT YES THE PAIRING THAT ATE MANHATTAN IS BACK), Wayback Machine funtimes. Smoker turns eighteen and receives several unexpected presents. Bonus Nezumi pwnage.
Worst birthday ever, Smoker thought as he limped into the male cadet quarters.
Today’s lesson in weapons class had been “Seastone: The Marine’s Best Friend,” and Smoker had gotten to be the living demonstration. He had found out the hard way how much getting ripped out of Logia form by a piece of seastone hurt. Upon regaining consciousness, he’d silently vowed to find a way to use seastone himself just so others could feel his pain. So far, he was drawing a blank, but he was sure something would occur to him. Eventually.
In the common room, Nezumi managed to tear himself away from his copy of Pirate Booty: South Blue’s Feisty Lawbreaking Ladies long enough to inform Smoker, “You got a package.”
Smoker blinked. Who the hell would be sending him something? Hina had already given him his annual box of cigars; he’d figured that’d be it for him today.
His nose figured out the answer before he even got the box open. Unfortunately, the rest of the barracks figured out what it was about ten seconds later and materialized with a speed that made the notorious Lucky Roux look slow. Smoker barely had time to pocket the card tucked into the side of the box before the first “Cake! Can I have some?” spilled out of Nezumi’s mouth.
It was a nice cake. A very nice cake. So nice, in fact, that it practically had a little “Made by Zeff” sign on it. Smoker thought the intricate wave-pattern with the icing was slightly overdoing it, but the old man had to show off somehow. Stupid geezer, vanishing for two weeks and then embarrassing him on his birthday.
“That is one impressive cake. Who made it?” Purin-Purin asked, peeking over Morgan’s meaty shoulder.
“My bo-beautiful girlfriend.” Close save.
“The blonde?” Nezumi wiggled his eyebrows in manner that was likely supposed to be lecherous but just came off as weasely. “She screw as good as she cooks?” His fingers snuck towards the delicate swirls of icing.
Smoker resisted the urge to punch the smaller man in the nose and settled for smacking his fingers away. “Better, asshole.”
Nezumi rubbed his hand and laughed that weird squeaky giggle of his. “You better get her married and knocked up soon then, before she finds somebody better. Like me.”
Smoker did punch him then. Several times. Purin-Purin was nice enough to hold Nezumi still while he did it, and from the toxic look the ratlike little bastard gave Purin-Purin as he limped away, the curly-haired boy had just made an enemy for life.
After distributing some cake around to get the other assholes to shut the fuck up and not report him to the sergeant, Smoker finally opened the card. Zeff’s decidedly masculine handwriting marched across the cream-colored parchment.
Save me a slice, Navy-eggplant. I plan on eating it off of you tonight.
Smoker swallowed hard, mouth dry and pants tight. Ohhhhh shit, and there was a time and place on the back of the card. Two hours from now, he was getting fucking laid.
Best birthday ever, Smoker decided.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-15 03:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-15 03:23 am (UTC)If there's a Pirate Booty subscription, then how come Sanji doesn't have one somewhere?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-15 08:13 am (UTC)I find it almost sweet that Smoker wouldn't expect his boyfriend (awwww) to send him something. Poor boy.
Pirate Booty: South Blue’s Feisty Lawbreaking Ladies: You just know that three or for years after this scene there'll be bad photomontage of Robin in there. >_>
BUT IN THE END EVEN THE SWEETNESS IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN GETTING LAID. XDDD
Thank you for this. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-15 10:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-15 11:11 pm (UTC)Yay, the PAIRING THAT REDEFINES CRACK YET WORKS is back, baby! And the peasants rejoice! I particularly like the sentence 'Nezumi wiggled his eyebrows in manner that was likely supposed to be lecherous but just came off as weasely' because that is such a fine and funny image ^__^ Nezumi can't do anything but weasely. Weasels look up to him. When he was born, the doctor said 'congratulations, it's a weasel'. Having him beaten up in the series was a joy, having him beaten up here is just as fun ^__^ And yum, Smoker-cake.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-16 12:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-16 08:23 pm (UTC)YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF CAKEPORN.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-17 01:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-03-17 02:23 am (UTC)Heehee cakeporn!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-23 04:03 am (UTC)