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chibi_trillianI have encountered a Vapidity Elemental at work. Seriously.
This chick makes a damp washcloth look deep, has a vocabulary lower than your average American middle schooler's, went to college on a soccer scholarship, and she makes me ashamed to have a degree in Biology because she somehow managed to get one too. Her hobbies seem to be talking about herself and treating men like shit. She's stringing along five or six men so that they buy her things, and when she gets bored with them she invents some slight that they have committed and screams at them until they leave her alone or become interesting again. She responded to my comment of "Boys are people too," (following an avowal by the Vapidity Elemental that she was nice to people) with a sigh and "I GUESS so..." I barely kept myself from saying, "Damn, it must be nice to be pretty and bitchy--except for the fact that pretty fades while bitchy sticks forever."
On the plus side, she's literally too self-centered to realize when she's being insulted by her other co-workers. When I first met her, I assumed I was projecting the fact that she looked and sounded like every girl I'd hated in high school onto her, and that she might in fact be quite nice and was most certainly somewhat intelligent to be working in the same R&D division that I was.
And then I spent two hours locked in a room working with her.
Myself, another co-worker whom I actually like, and the Vapidity Elemental had to do Menial Gruntwork Task Q. A trained monkey could do this particular task, and do it well, provided it had a BS in either Biology or Chemistry so it could get hired to start with. The Vapidity Elemental spent half of the time on her cell phone jerking the chains of two different men so that one of them would take her to the movies later. Apparently, he wound up begging to have the honor of paying for her company. She hung up on him when she got bored, claiming that he was breaking up, and spent the rest of the time dawdling over her assigned task (remember, trained monkey could do this). Her conversation included such gems as her firm belief that ignorance is indeed bliss, which is why she avoids learning new things, and the fact that she'll never get divorced because that's wrong (but sleeping around is okay). I've never been asked "What does that word mean?" so many times in the course of a simple conversation by someone over the age of ten. I was getting seriously worried that her stupid was going to rub off onto me. The other co-worker sniped at her and took great amusement as the shots flew straight over her head. Hurrah for the other co-worker, who is intelligent and knows the area that I grew up in.
Hoo. I think I'll write something for a change.
This chick makes a damp washcloth look deep, has a vocabulary lower than your average American middle schooler's, went to college on a soccer scholarship, and she makes me ashamed to have a degree in Biology because she somehow managed to get one too. Her hobbies seem to be talking about herself and treating men like shit. She's stringing along five or six men so that they buy her things, and when she gets bored with them she invents some slight that they have committed and screams at them until they leave her alone or become interesting again. She responded to my comment of "Boys are people too," (following an avowal by the Vapidity Elemental that she was nice to people) with a sigh and "I GUESS so..." I barely kept myself from saying, "Damn, it must be nice to be pretty and bitchy--except for the fact that pretty fades while bitchy sticks forever."
On the plus side, she's literally too self-centered to realize when she's being insulted by her other co-workers. When I first met her, I assumed I was projecting the fact that she looked and sounded like every girl I'd hated in high school onto her, and that she might in fact be quite nice and was most certainly somewhat intelligent to be working in the same R&D division that I was.
And then I spent two hours locked in a room working with her.
Myself, another co-worker whom I actually like, and the Vapidity Elemental had to do Menial Gruntwork Task Q. A trained monkey could do this particular task, and do it well, provided it had a BS in either Biology or Chemistry so it could get hired to start with. The Vapidity Elemental spent half of the time on her cell phone jerking the chains of two different men so that one of them would take her to the movies later. Apparently, he wound up begging to have the honor of paying for her company. She hung up on him when she got bored, claiming that he was breaking up, and spent the rest of the time dawdling over her assigned task (remember, trained monkey could do this). Her conversation included such gems as her firm belief that ignorance is indeed bliss, which is why she avoids learning new things, and the fact that she'll never get divorced because that's wrong (but sleeping around is okay). I've never been asked "What does that word mean?" so many times in the course of a simple conversation by someone over the age of ten. I was getting seriously worried that her stupid was going to rub off onto me. The other co-worker sniped at her and took great amusement as the shots flew straight over her head. Hurrah for the other co-worker, who is intelligent and knows the area that I grew up in.
Hoo. I think I'll write something for a change.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-27 07:55 pm (UTC)Or just make a vodoo dall and douse it in kerosene, and light that suckah. Whatever works is cool.
Oh, and I think you have earned this:
Snarky Ishi, just for you. You don't even have to credit. *pets*
Poor Chibi.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-28 01:05 am (UTC)I lessthanthree you madly, and am seriously considering buying a paid account just so I can use the "Idiots will be shot on sight" one. You just made everything all better. Well, that and the news that the Vapidity Elemental is quitting to go curse some other workplace with her presence. W00T!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-06-28 03:57 am (UTC)Heh, I liked that one too. The first one seemed to reeeally apply to the situation, tho, somehow.
Oh, yay! Perhaps they'll use her as a test subject?