Weirdest Ship in the 'Verse.
Feb. 27th, 2006 04:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chibi_trillianSince people don't save me from my own plotbunnies, they get this instead. Told you all it was a bad idea.
Title: Acquired Taste, Chapter One: Not a Good Day
Series: One Piece.
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG.
Summary: A hop into the One Piece Wayback Machine. When a pirate chef meets a Marine, a bad time is had by all. Light Zeff/Smoker overtones. Probably to be continued (unfortunately) if people don't beat me to death for desecrating the characters like this.
Zeff supposed his captain had had a logical point, and they had needed supplies rather badly. The captain had a way of making stupid things sound reasonable, which was how Zeff had wound up on board his ship in the first place. He could almost hear Captain Lawson’s smooth tenor asking, “Seriously, who’s going to look for pirates on the same island as a Marine base?”
The answer was “Marines,” apparently.
At least they were baby Marines. The day he, Zeff, pirate chef of the sea, couldn’t kick the shit out of and outrun a bunch of dumb eggplants like that without so much as bruising an apple was the day he ate his cutting board.
The weirdly grey-haired boy with the cigar scrambled up onto the rooftop after him, and Zeff contemplated the fact that his cutting board might taste all right with a nice red wine sauce. How the hell had he gotten up here that fast? Well, however he’d done it, he was up here, he’d drawn his weapon, and he looked determined to prove that those muscles weren’t just for show.
Zeff kicked at the Marine. The boy swung his jitte to meet it, and, to his credit, only got knocked back a few feet and didn’t fall completely out of fighting stance. Though his foot was still tingling from the force of the Marine’s counterstrike, Zeff followed up with a kick that came so close to hitting that square-jawed face that it put the cigar out. He wished he dared set his bags down long enough to get a proper windmill kick off. The flour was really unbalancing him, and rebounding off of the jitte had almost knocked him on his ass.
Scraping noises from the side of the building told Zeff that at least one other of the baby Marines had peeled themselves off of the street. Two (or more) on one when he was carrying things and lacked the element of surprise was not good. One could not hunt for All Blue from prison.
It was time for a strategic advance to the rear. Zeff launched a quick kick at the Marinelet and bolted.
The jitte hit roofing slates behind him.
****
Smoker frowned as Hina finally made it up onto the roof, slinging his jitte into its holster on his back. Shit. The blond had gotten away without losing so much as a head of cabbage. It would have to be a windy day today, wouldn’t it?
“Hina was too slow. Hina apologizes.”
“It’s okay.” Smoker toed the cracked tile where his jitte had hit. It promptly broke off and went clattering down the roof, pinging into the gutter before dropping to the street below with a spectacular smash. There went his hopes of getting off of half-pay this month.
“Today has not been a good day,” Smoker sighed, relighting his cigar. The wind whipped the smoke away, giving a lovely demonstration of what would have happened to the amateur Logia user if he’d attempted to give chase in his far quicker smoke form. Stupid wind. Stupid blond guy. Stupid Smoker, for not being good enough to hold his form in inclement weather yet. He’d practice twice as hard…somewhere in his infinite free time between chores and weapons practice and patrols and lessons.
“You don’t need to tell me twice.” The pink-haired girl rubbed her bruised arm. She looked quite vexed. He supposed she looked beautiful when she was angry, but it was kind of academic for him. Then again, Hina spent time with him because he didn’t hit on her, making him one of maybe five males on base that she didn’t despise.
“Do we even bother reporting him?”
“Hina doesn’t think so. What do we say? ‘We saw a man buying produce in a suspicious manner. When we inquired as to his business here, he handed our entire cadet patrol their collective ass on a platter. We don’t know where he went or who he was, but he was last seen carrying a bag of flour.’ That will look fantastic on Hina’s record.”
“Hn. You’re probably right. I guess officially this didn’t happen.” At least their mystery vegetable man had been good-looking in a hawk-nosed kind of way, so the day had not been utterly wasted. Those legs, long and fast and so damn strong…Smoker mentally reminded himself to spar with Hina soon. He needed to learn how to effectively combat a kicking fighter, because he had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was going to see that man again.
Chapter Two: Not a Good Night
Title: Acquired Taste, Chapter One: Not a Good Day
Series: One Piece.
One Piece: Not mine.
Rating: PG.
Summary: A hop into the One Piece Wayback Machine. When a pirate chef meets a Marine, a bad time is had by all. Light Zeff/Smoker overtones. Probably to be continued (unfortunately) if people don't beat me to death for desecrating the characters like this.
Zeff supposed his captain had had a logical point, and they had needed supplies rather badly. The captain had a way of making stupid things sound reasonable, which was how Zeff had wound up on board his ship in the first place. He could almost hear Captain Lawson’s smooth tenor asking, “Seriously, who’s going to look for pirates on the same island as a Marine base?”
The answer was “Marines,” apparently.
At least they were baby Marines. The day he, Zeff, pirate chef of the sea, couldn’t kick the shit out of and outrun a bunch of dumb eggplants like that without so much as bruising an apple was the day he ate his cutting board.
The weirdly grey-haired boy with the cigar scrambled up onto the rooftop after him, and Zeff contemplated the fact that his cutting board might taste all right with a nice red wine sauce. How the hell had he gotten up here that fast? Well, however he’d done it, he was up here, he’d drawn his weapon, and he looked determined to prove that those muscles weren’t just for show.
Zeff kicked at the Marine. The boy swung his jitte to meet it, and, to his credit, only got knocked back a few feet and didn’t fall completely out of fighting stance. Though his foot was still tingling from the force of the Marine’s counterstrike, Zeff followed up with a kick that came so close to hitting that square-jawed face that it put the cigar out. He wished he dared set his bags down long enough to get a proper windmill kick off. The flour was really unbalancing him, and rebounding off of the jitte had almost knocked him on his ass.
Scraping noises from the side of the building told Zeff that at least one other of the baby Marines had peeled themselves off of the street. Two (or more) on one when he was carrying things and lacked the element of surprise was not good. One could not hunt for All Blue from prison.
It was time for a strategic advance to the rear. Zeff launched a quick kick at the Marinelet and bolted.
The jitte hit roofing slates behind him.
****
Smoker frowned as Hina finally made it up onto the roof, slinging his jitte into its holster on his back. Shit. The blond had gotten away without losing so much as a head of cabbage. It would have to be a windy day today, wouldn’t it?
“Hina was too slow. Hina apologizes.”
“It’s okay.” Smoker toed the cracked tile where his jitte had hit. It promptly broke off and went clattering down the roof, pinging into the gutter before dropping to the street below with a spectacular smash. There went his hopes of getting off of half-pay this month.
“Today has not been a good day,” Smoker sighed, relighting his cigar. The wind whipped the smoke away, giving a lovely demonstration of what would have happened to the amateur Logia user if he’d attempted to give chase in his far quicker smoke form. Stupid wind. Stupid blond guy. Stupid Smoker, for not being good enough to hold his form in inclement weather yet. He’d practice twice as hard…somewhere in his infinite free time between chores and weapons practice and patrols and lessons.
“You don’t need to tell me twice.” The pink-haired girl rubbed her bruised arm. She looked quite vexed. He supposed she looked beautiful when she was angry, but it was kind of academic for him. Then again, Hina spent time with him because he didn’t hit on her, making him one of maybe five males on base that she didn’t despise.
“Do we even bother reporting him?”
“Hina doesn’t think so. What do we say? ‘We saw a man buying produce in a suspicious manner. When we inquired as to his business here, he handed our entire cadet patrol their collective ass on a platter. We don’t know where he went or who he was, but he was last seen carrying a bag of flour.’ That will look fantastic on Hina’s record.”
“Hn. You’re probably right. I guess officially this didn’t happen.” At least their mystery vegetable man had been good-looking in a hawk-nosed kind of way, so the day had not been utterly wasted. Those legs, long and fast and so damn strong…Smoker mentally reminded himself to spar with Hina soon. He needed to learn how to effectively combat a kicking fighter, because he had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was going to see that man again.
Chapter Two: Not a Good Night
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 09:32 pm (UTC)Pissy Hina-snark. A Smoker who can't quite hold his smoke-form together yet in a wind. *howls!* And a perturbed, dismissive, arrogant (baby marines! *snickers*) Zeff who STILL manages to hold onto his groceries.
Oh, leg ogling too. *grins* Nuh-uh, can't get out of doing more now, m'dear. *^_^*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 09:59 pm (UTC)There has to be a rather entertaining learning curve for Logia users before they reach the "Badass" stage of their abilities, though we never get to see it. So Ace likely set his pants on fire any number of times, Smoker used to get blown a half-mile from his starting point before he could unmuddle himself enough to solidify, and Ener probably stuck himself to things from sheer static charge.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:29 pm (UTC)Wow. If you hadn't already won the internet down there, I would have given it to you for that one! *snickers* Because I was instantly ambushed by the image of Ener's long-ass earlobes with earrings on the end stuck to his butt. *snorts*
Well, Luffy had a learning curve (the leg thing when Shanks first picks him up), one supposes the Logia must too. ^_^
*nods solemnly* Yes, you're doomed. Accept it. *wicked grin*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:41 pm (UTC)Either that, or sticking out from his body at a ninety-degree angle when he picked up charge. And all of his clothes stuck to him on bad days...he couldn't pet skycats or skyfoxes without getting coated in fur... *snerk* Grumpy Ener.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 11:49 pm (UTC)I'm gonna be stuck imagining those all day now. *snickers and shakes head*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 11:56 pm (UTC)"Portgas, your hat's on fire."
"SHIT!"
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-28 12:21 am (UTC)I'm having a bit of fun over here by simply imagining Ener covered in animal hairs.
Can you imagine that? GOD not being able to rid himself of a few insolent cat hairs. *snorts* I'd feel sorry mostly for the cat though. I wonder if he'd consider that sacrilegious of the cat to have done?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 09:39 pm (UTC)Baby Marines. A captain whose logic is strangely Luffy-like. Cutting board with red wine sauce. And Hina. Oh, Hina. 'We saw a man buying produce in a suspicious manner.' XD
I see no desecration here. Which means I'll encourage this bunny with all I have, for the fandom needs more well-written
crackcreative pairings. ^___^(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:10 pm (UTC)This bunny is going to be the size of the Goodyear blimp with the number of people feeding it.
I'm starting to get seriously curious over whether anyone has written this ship before. I've certainly never seen it.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 11:14 pm (UTC)So perhaps it isn't such a bad bunny?
I'll go with another fandom's answer, which is 'the Japanese fans have done everything' just to be safe, but I doubt it's been done in the relatively saner english fandom. You have set the keyboard where no fan has ever gone before! SUGEI !!! *shiny-eyes*
I need a SUGEI!Luffy icon, dammit.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 11:37 pm (UTC)Damn, this is a creepy feeling. I'm establishing fanon. I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. Brrrr.
But if I don't write this bunny, it'll probably sit on me. Damn. Guess I'll just have to try to not suck, then.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 09:42 pm (UTC)xD
Seriously, my day? Has been utter crap for the most part- but this? A backstory with not only Zeff and Smoker, but Hina as well, with a possibility of continuing on? Has made me feel so much better than before.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:14 pm (UTC)Everyone seems to like Hina. ^.^; I'm glad I cheered you up a bit.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-27 10:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-28 12:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-28 03:27 pm (UTC)And in the comments, Enerv covered in animal hair. Though I suspect he may have just been stuck to a lot of specialisted clouds. And thus be mistaken for sheep... if they have sheep up there. And you know what people do with sheep...
... shave them.
This may be why he's so disgruntled.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-28 03:51 pm (UTC)Note to self--Smoker super-deforms very poorly. But still...ickle Smoker-kins brandishing his jitte and going "Grrrr!" *cackle*
And of course that's why Ener's disgruntled. He was mocked constantly about his eternal bad hair day and static cling, and so he went all emo and instead of wearing black lipstick or writing bad poetry, he destroyed his home island. That'll show those bitches!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-01 07:21 am (UTC)whispers flicker across my ears
and all too soon this god will
recompenseyou are as insignificant as
the hairball that clingsthe static that stingsOh to hell with this. ::storms off::
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-01 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-01 06:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-01 02:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-06-19 03:02 am (UTC)We saw a man buying produce in a suspicious manner. *snerk*